|AhA.. SO i SEE UVE FOUND MY RANDOM SAYiNG SiTE..ENJOY.|
(On a later note...if i subscribed to you and i dont know you then i probably love'd your site..nice job)
ASiDE FROM BRAD PiTT, NO ONE iS PERFECT, PRETTY CLOSE, BUT NOT QUiTE, && SO TO ALL MY FRiENDS THERE ARE SOME THiNGS i WOULD LiKE TO TELL YOU:
I don't promise to always be nice to you. But I promise to be mean to those whores that piss you off.
I promise not to let you out of the house in plaid. Or tie-dye. Or spandex.
I promise to bring up all those stupid things you said at every possible moment, but add "You know I love you!" at the end to rid me of any possible accusations of being a bad friend. If so accused, I will reply," Im sorry, I was just kidding. You know I love you." And on the surface everything will be okay till we both forget it ever happened.
I promise to return all the clothes you lend me. Unless theyre ugly (aka plaid tie-dye or spandex) , in which case I will give them a new home at the Salvation Army, and everyone except for the poor fool who buys them will be better off. Or unless theyre cute in which case I will keep them and pretend I gave them back. Dont lend me your clothes.
I promise to remind you that your a bitch.... in the most affectionate way possible. Love ya bitch.
I promise not to bring up that time, when you did that thing, when we were at that place. You know.
I promise not to steal your boyfriend. Steal is such a harsh word. Im borrowing him becuase eventually we will break up and then you can have him back. Unless we get married. Then I stole your boyfriend.
I don't promise not to say anything about you behind your back, but while Im back there I will check to make sure you dont have anything on your butt.
And I promise not to give you one of those nausiating friendship promise chain letters.
Its summer and what does that mean? Well it means hella hot days, humidity that could choke you and the new summer clothing lines. PUT AWAY THE UGGS PEOPLE. THEYRE DONE. People around the world are pitching in to help save fashion victims everywhere. Even in prison! Martha Stewart, eat your heart out. Japan is giving its prisoners more brightly colored clothing and bed sheets in the hopes of cheering up the mood behind bars.
Go forth in your season apropriate hues and make the world a little more beautiful, and remember, Black shoes DO NOT match everything. Forget what your mother told you.
GiRL DrAmA Is NoT ThE cOoLeSt CaT..iTs oNlY fAiR tO LAy dOwN sOmE gRoUnD rUlEs..
10You can call your opponent: fat, ugly, skanky, sluty, stupid, a bitch, a whore, and/or dirty, and other variations of those words. BY NO MEANS are ANY insults that show any sign of intelligence or are even SLIGHTY specific or hard hitting acceptable. Keep it simple Ladies. (Penalty -4pts)
2) Do NOT involve your opponent's family members or friends. ( Remember who your beef is with.) Your "Yo Mama" jokes are no good here. (Penalty -3pts)
3) Have the guts enough to say your name. Im looking at you president of the Science club threatening to kick the quarterback's ass. (Penalty -10pts)
4) Do not actually physically ACT on any of your agressions. Lets face it, if you have turned to the internet to bully someone you probably arent going to throw down. (Penalty: Its your ass, not mine. One black eye and a complete loss of dignity)
6) If you are going to post pictures of your opponent on the internet make sure it is a bad picture of them. That means go find that hideous star shot they took with their ex boyfriend that they thought they had distroyed. Star shots...what a tragedy. (Penalty: 2pts plus they look cute)
5) If you choose to respond to someone's CCF (Cyber Cat Fight) you are now officially involved. Whether you are defending yourself, or a friend, the Bully now may come after you. Really, are they worth the time? Probably not.
Consider yourself warned.
Ready. Set. FIGHT!
Not many people know this, but before his death the Pope was looking to update his image and though its too late for John Paul II I thought I might help out the new Pope with a few tips:
* Drag race the Pope-Mobile. Chrome rims and a dual exaust wouldnt hurt either.
* End each prayer with, "Can I get an amen?"
* Change the The Apostles to The Homies
* Switch the blood of Christ from red wine to Crystal
* Change his name to "Notorious P.O.P.E."
* Compete in new sport: "Extreme Blessing"
* Change his name to "Pope John Paul George Ringo"
* Ditch the sign of the cross to chunk the deuce. V to-the Atican biatch
* Begin each mass by shouting, "Let's get ready to rruummbllle"
* Switch from traditional robes to a "Jesus is my Homeboy" tee.
Since bathing suit season is here the country is going to desperate measures to slim down. LIKE OH MY GUCCI! My pink Juicy Couture halter suit wont look as cute if you cant see at least 3 ribs and my hipbones! While some diets are healthy and valid things there are some warning signs your diet isnt so great.
Top Ten Signs You're On A Bad Diet
10. - You're not allowed to eat during months with an "R" in them.
9. - You're told to replace food with crack.
8. - Portion control is defined as "As much as you can fit in your mouth."
7. - You have to wire anything shut
6. - Kirstie Alley swears by it.
5. - You fast on days that end in Y.
4. - Your Lean Cuisines are deep fried.
3. - Sure you'll lose weight, but you're also a foot shorter.
2. - The company sends you their own scale. Measured in effort.
1. - The Keebler Elves sponsor and cater your weekly meetings
And I think we are over looking the finer qualities of being a buterball.
* Sure you have to pay for two airplane seats, but thats 2x the food trey space!
* Never having to worry about someone being with you just for your looks.
* 2 words: Intimidation Factor!
* You have your own wrestling leauge: SUMO!
* Your hand turkeys are bigger then all the other kids hand turkeys. Bad Ass!
* YOU can make fat jokes and its still politically correct.
* You dont have to worry if your skinny jeans will fit. They always do! Your skinny jeans are old maternity clothes with elastic waists.
And remember kids: You are always hotter when you smile! SO STIKE A POSE!
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
FEBRUARY 25 IS GO TEXAN DAY..SO BE PREPARED NXT TIME!
Lets all celebrate the Lone Star State! You know, the Lone Star State has been Texas's motto for so long maybe its time to change it up. So in honor of Go Texan Day here are some possibilities:
We Let America See Our Bush!
Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
We Kill 'em So YOU Don't Have To
We put the "Ex" in "execution"!
Gateway to Mexico
Better Behave, or We'll Fry Your Ass!
Liquor sold 7 days a week
The Wal-Mart State
Not quite Mexican!
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
It's illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you're sitting on a curb in St. Louis! ---- Trust me.
A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second! ---- Now think, can you really be back in a jiffy?
The electric chair was invented by a dentist! ---- That doesnt surprise me at all..
It's against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas! ---- It should be illegal to buy pawned dentures...
The average American will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per year
In Natoma, Kansas, it's illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits ---- Polka dots are OK though, cause lets face any man wearing a spotted suit deserves to have knives thrown at him!
The faster you drive, the harder it rains...
If I were president:
I would get rid of those stupid subscription cards inside magazines. Each magazines contanies an average of 9 of those bastards. 9! Why the hell would you need to subscibe 9 times? I can understand 2 (incase the first one falls out) but I wanna meet the OCD bitch who was like "Errmm, well, incase 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,and 8 fall out we will add a 9th." and her co-worker is like "Well what if 9 falls out?" and shes like "Well what the hell am I supposed to do? Add 10!? Thats crazy! 10! I mean we dont wanna over do it!"
TyPiNg LiKe This WoUld Be PunIsHiBle By DeAtH. Apparently there was a memo that went out to everyone 15 and under that said the key to coolness lies within random use of the shift key. I swear the people that type like that must be thinking "Maybe if I type like I have epilepsy/the way that memo instructed people will be so caught off gaurd by my obnoxious words they will be too distracted to relise I have nothing of any interest to say..."
Glitter must be applied in half pound increments. God, glitter is so hot right now
The biggest question in your life will be Tanning vs. Bronzer? But don't worry too much. You can just use both.
Large sunglasses would come with a small bottle of asprin, cause lets face it, your hungover.
11 AM would be considered "Early Morning"
And finally there would be an extensive application process for men to wear speedos, Who are you kidding gramps?
But thats just me.
is set to debut the new and improved update to its 1998 gibberish speaking freak of a toy Furby this fall. The new and improved Furby will be more interactive and come in 6 different languages (maybe ENGLISH will be one of them this time, cause it sure as hell wasnt the first go round) What. The. Hell. Did Furby even speak a language known to man (maybe satanic tounges..) Sneaky Bastard! How THE HELL are they going to release him in SIX languages?
When Stan Murmur was asked to use something "organic" as a stamp in his modern art class, it took him days of parousing the house for an original organic object till he came up the brilliant idea of using his bare butt as the stamp. The assignment was to create a work of art with an organic object, bring the piece of art and the organic object to class to display next to the peice. Sadly Stan was the only student asked not to "Show and Tell" his organic object. He did however win a county art award for the same piece later that month. SNAPS FOR STAN!
On the way home I heard that Fantasia (the forgotten American Idol) song "Baby Mama" and heard a part of the song that about gave me a stroke, here are the EXACT lyrics of said part :
And I think it should be a holiday
For single mothers tryin' to make a way
But until then
Here is your song
Show love to my....
HELLLLOO! MOTHERS DAY? GOSH.
Have Faith In Todays Youth My Friends:
Wisconsin student sues to end summer homework: MILWAUKEE - A student whose vacation plans were spoiled has sued to end summer homework in Wisconsin, claiming it creates an unfair workload and unnecessary stress.
REAL FRIENDS Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
Remember: A good friend will help you move to a new place...A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
Just tell Nemo you couldn't find him cause you were out getting stoned. He'll understand. RESPONCIBILITY. Your anti-drug.
There are three types of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't
Today we ponder The Secrets of Xanga....
There are 2 types of users
1- Type A-Who make posts with the reader in mind, usualy involivng rhetorical (spell check anyone?) questions and or abstract thoughts
2- Type B- Who write more personal Xanga, they mainly recap their day, and private thoughts on personal subjects...beware these posts may become hackneyed if you are boring slash never do anything.
Admit it, you check your comments obbsesively and love em.You may think you sound stupid and deny it (as u check your email to see if any new people have subscribed to you) but trust me everyone does it BUT AND THIS IS A BIG ONE Begging/Asking for comments = Uncool. The only exception is if you pose a question, or do it as a joke. Check your comments obbsessively, but as a rule, seem like you dont care and that they just come naturaly.
IF SOMEONE COMMENTS ON YOU, YOU COMMENT BACK, its just polite people....ALSO, a stealthy but easy way to get comments is commenting on other peoples (as long as they are polite and follow the rules), altho it can be boring and painstaking it is like 90% accurate. Try it.
Other Peoples Xangas:
It totally takes the work out of stalking, especially if they are a type B user (see above). Just kidding. Kind of. Anyways if you think you are alone in reading people you dont know/arent subscribed to xangas, your totally wrong, once again, everyone does it, just secretly! ESPECIALY in the KF blogring...You may pretend that you could care less what the hell the underclassmen are up to but ADMIT IT you read theirs, THEY READ YOURS, IT IS THE CIRCLE OF LIFE THAT IS XANGA. To you I pose this challenge, you know that kid in your school that you have heard of but dont know. The one whose xanga you read when they have recently updated and are moved to the top of the blogring, that kid? Well leave a comment, and not just a hey, whats up? Or a ...RaNdOm PrOps .... bullshit but a real comment. You wont look like a loser if thats what your thinking, infact you will probably make their day. Try it. Even if its just once. Behold the power of yourself!
In order to stay on peoples xanga radar it is good to try and update about every week at the least. If you dont, you risk being forgotten ....but if you decide to start up again blogrings are great because you are then moved to the top of the list ergo you are remembered.
How bout a joke for the road....If you are blonde please be advised blonde is pronounced RED-HEAD and do not be offended. If you are red headed i pray you got that (ie-it is a joke)
So this blonde gets in an elevator and says T.G.I.F. to the man inside. The man turns to her and says S.H.I.T...confused she repeats T.G.I.F. Thank God Its Friday. The man turns to her and replies again S.H.I.T. Sorry Hunny Its Thursday...
Anyhow I have been xanga surfing and came across dozens of these lists of things that guys should do (call her, kiss her infront of her/your friends etc etc etc...) well thats all fine and good and unrealistic so i have created a short one of my own, here goes:
Jewelry ( there really doesnt need to be an explanation, if u need one (explanation) you shouldnt have a relationship to begin with)
We are going to go shopping- get over it. Unless you want us walking around in nasty ass rags (aka K-Mart) dont complain. Its a part of who we are, most of us would rather loose a finger then give up the plastic.
We are always right.
Yeah so thats about it i think if you can master those things youll be good to go.
I am so done with this petty shit. Save the drama for your mama.
It is all about positive perspective people! Did you know that a pearl, one of the finer things in life, in a clam's kidney stone? YEAH! To clams it is a nastly little thing wedged between there little shell cheeks and to us it is precious. PER-SPEC-TIVE!
As you may have (aka SHOULD HAVE) heard Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have officialy spit. I will be mourning for the next week or so...tres tragic! HE should have read my list! (see above)
DA DADA DA DA DA DUUUM......now boys and girls it is time for the HOLY SHIT moment of my entry:
Did you know that if the entire population of China were to walk by in a single file line, that line would NEVER END becuase their rate of population growth is so high. NO LIE.
And tonite I leave you with some words of wisdom (aka SOME BITCHIN LYRICS compliments of the Josh Joplin Group)
We are ourselves despite ourselves
This place gets smaller as the universe swells
We come to terms eventually, eventually, eventually.
Having a bad day...i have the perfect anecdote...:
So there are these two muffins right...and theyre baking in the oven etc etc chillin...whatev...and the first muffin turns to the second muffin and says "A bit warm in here, eh?" the second muffin turns to the first muffin and says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!!" .....to bad you prally read the punchline before the joke cause its in all caps...ehhhh.....
Look for more to come..